Why do students sometimes resist the idea of tutoring?

We talk to parents all the time who know their child needs help from a tutor, but find it difficult to convince their children that getting a tutor is not a "bad" thing. These parents call us, and sheepishly say that their child needs a tutor, but doesn't like the idea.

There are probably many reasons students resist the idea of getting tutor. They may not want to look or feel dumb in front of their friends who don't need tutors. They may not want to let their parents down and admit that they may not be able to do it on their own. They may not like the idea of a stranger looking at their work and judging them. They may think that the tutor will be another teacher, and may fear doing poorly and getting a "bad grade" in the tutoring sessions. They also may fear that they might fail even with the help. Finally, they may feel a little lost, and may not even see a way out of the mess they are in.

Our tutors have seen all of this. We work with students who are initially resistant, and often find they are relieved and happy that they have help once they get started. The turn around is often instant. As soon as the student sees that the tutor is on her side, working with her like a private coach, the fears and resistance melt away. A good tutor will generate some trust and rapport instantly, and allow the student to relax and focus on the areas of confusion. The foundations of this rapport is usually generated in the first session, and it builds over time until the student trusts the tutor. This trust is essential, because in order to help the student, the tutor needs to know what is really going on--what the student really understands and what she doesn't understand. Admitting that you don't understand something to a person you do not trust is not likely to happen, and it is not likely to happen in a tutoring situation either. This is why rapport and trust are so important.

So, once the tutoring starts, everything will be moving in the right direction. That is great, but how do I as a parent get my child to give it a try? We suggest sitting down and talking with your child about the tutoring support. Emphasize that it is smart to ask for help when you need it. Professional athletes have coaches who help them, most adults have bosses and mentors to whom they turn for help. It is not a failure to ask for help, it is actually what successful people do. Encourage your child to give tutoring a try, and let them know that you will make sure that your child is comfortable with the tutor.