Newsletter October 2011

October 14, 2011
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We strive to bring you the most helpful and up to date information every month, and this month's newsletter is no exception.
You can scroll down through the articles below, or you can click on a headline you like to go directly to that article.

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This Month's Headlines:

Sports Set Kids up for Success
How Was Your Day?
How to Deal with Bullying?

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Sports Set Kids up for Success

Everyone has heard of, or even witnessed, the stereotype of the overzealous youth sports coach. Unfortunately, these kinds of experiences can overshadow the benefits of children playing team sports, of which there are many.

In addition the physical benefits of sports—a plus in a society struggling with health issues—sports also teach children valuable lessons and provide other benefits that go beyond the physical.

Kids, by nature, are often very egocentric and self-focused. One of the biggest challenges of team sports is having to share and be accountable for how your actions affect the rest of the team. It also helps avoid jealousy as kids can see that other player’s accomplishments benefit the whole team.

Another great reward of team sports is having a mentor figure that is not related by family. This sets the stage for other positive relationships between children and adults. This can be helpful throughout children’s lives as they bond with other mentors, professors, bosses and inspirational figures.

Sports can also provide lessons that can be taken back to the classroom. Excelling at a sport takes a lot of practice and persistence, and most of all, patience, from repeating drills, waiting on the sidelines for their turn, or going to practice when they’d rather be watching TV. All of these experiences build character and qualities that children need to apply to excel with schoolwork too.

Finally, sports can help bring parents and children together, on and off the field. Kids love when their parents come to watch them play and cheer for them. You can also help your child practice at home, throwing the football around, or taking the soccer ball to the local park to kick around a bit. It’s quality time that you get to spend getting to know each other, while also having fun and getting some important exercise.

SourceFilppu, Lucy Rector. “The Benefits of Team Sports.” education.com
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How Was Your Day?

As the school year rolls on, parents are often anxious for feedback and details on their child’s school life. But any parent who’s ever asked “How was your day at school?” and gotten grunts or one-syllable answers in return knows that children don’t exactly respond with the kind of information we’re looking for.

This kind of question can be overwhelming and frustrating for both parents and kids, as neither get what they want out of it. The motivation behind parents asking is usually a good one—wanting to help kids develop the skills to solve their own problems, to manage stress and other things that may come up during their day.

One easy way to change the conversation to a more meaningful one is to be more explicit in your questions. “How was math class today?” “What project are you working on in art class?” “Did you have fun at track practice?” These kind of directed questions are easier for students to digest and respond to.

It may also help to look at your motivations. Do we need to know every detail about their day? How can we rely on other cues to “check in” on them? Try to be clear in what you’re trying to get out of the conversation—connection, details, basic chit chat—so you can frame it in a different, more positive light. Kids often complain that parents ask too many questions, and sometimes they are right. This doesn’t mean we stop asking, just that we consider limiting ourselves to the important ones and don’t push when we don’t get the answers we want.

As frustrating as this exchange can be, there are ways you can switch the conversation up.

Greet with a statement, not a question

Instead of “How was your day?” being the first thing you say, try starting with a positive statement. Something like, “I’m happy to see you!” or “Glad you’re home” sets the tone for a positive, relaxed exchange. It allows your child to unwind before being asked to respond to anything specific or demanding.

Give some space

Some children, or adults for that matter, don’t want to have to talk the moment they get home. Your child may need to decompress before you get down to conversation, so give them some space to go outside, read a book, call a friend or check Facebook.

Speak your mind

Don’t be passive aggressive in your attempts to find out details. If you really want to know if they did ok on their science test, just ask. Fishing around is usually obvious and can make your child feel on guard.

However, focusing too much on tests and grades can also give your child the wrong idea, so don’t overdo those questions.

Know your child

The more you know about your children’s school lives, the more you can engage them with questions. Asking specific questions—“Did Mrs. Jones give a tough assignment today?”—lets them know you are paying attention and care, and sets you up to relate to them, rather than being yet another authority figure.

Let it flow

Try to let conversations happen naturally instead of rushing into your questions. Sometimes avoiding face-to-face questions can help, such as while you’re at the stove preparing dinner, or in the car on the way home from practice. Another aspect of this is listening to your child’s cues to allow them to lead the conversation. Maybe they came home asking about a particular country or piece of history. These are great segues into deeper conversations.

Get physical

Not everyone is a good talker. Some students would rather connect with a hug or sitting together on the couch as opposed to talking it out. Follow your child’s cues to see what they might need that day. Sometimes a simple thumbs up or down can tell you all you need to know about how the day was.

Set the stage

Talking about your day can help jumpstart the sharing process. Just try not to bore them with mundane details about work and keep it more lighthearted, or better yet, funny.

Self reliance

Resist the urge to jump to their rescue when they do open up about problems. This allows children to learn to work on their own solutions, and also to see you as an ally rather than an all-encompassing protector. Try to keep the ball in their court by asking how they want to try to address the problem.

It’s important to stay connected as your child grows and faces challenges. Finding a balance of support and inquiry can be challenging, but the more you work on it, the better your relationship will become.

sourcehompson, Michael“Talking with Kids about School.” pbs.org
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How to Deal with Bullying

One of the realities of the school year unfolding is that kids will find themselves meeting new friends and developing new relationships. Unfortunately, this may also include a new bully in their life. While it’s heartbreaking for any parent to deal with their child being bullied, it is not uncommon for young children to experience in social settings. Add social network settings to the mix and it can seem like there is little buffer zone to prevent this from happening.

So what should you do if you find out your child is being bullied, or, being the bully themselves? Nathanial M. Floyd, executive directory of the Institute for Violence Prevention suggests parents remember the 4 R’s to effectively help tackle bullying.

Recognize

Take note of what’s happening. Is your child being verbally or physically attacked? Is he or she being shut out of games with certain kids? Whatever it is, listen to the facts, stay calm and be there to support your child.

Relate

Tell school officials whatever details you have. While it may be tempting to try to handle the problem alone, it’s important that teachers, principals or guidance counselors are aware so they can help and take notice of the problem.

Report

It’s your responsibility to report instances of bullying to the school. While it can be frustrating, it’s beneficial to your child. Whether the school has dealt with bullying before or not, awareness is a first step. Floyd urges parents not to get defensive or place blame, but to stay firm.

Record

Keep a record of what happens and how it was handled. The school may do the same, but it’s important that you have your own. Take note of dates, times and the specific actions. It may be useful if problems pop up again.

The harsh truth is that bullies exist everywhere. The good news is that, with the help of school officials and parents, children can learn lessons about safety and justice that make them stronger and better prepared in the future.

SourceWilliams, Julie. “Bully-Proofing Your Child.”