Newsletter August 2011

August 19, 2011
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We strive to bring you the most helpful and up to date information every month, and this month's newsletter is no exception.
You can scroll down through the articles below, or you can click on a headline you like to go directly to that article.

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This Month's Headlines:

Helping Sensitive Students Return to School
Minimize Back to School Stress
Positive Discipline

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Helping Sensitive Students Return to School

Many parents operate under the false assumption that having a highly sensitive child means a child who cries at the drop of a hat. While this may be one characteristic of a sensitive child, there are many, more subtle signs that your child is very sensitive.

Elaine Aron, psychologist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, says the sensitive child is one who is more likely to take everything into account before taking action. This means your child may be the one sitting outside of the group observing while everyone else is playing. It’s not necessarily that they are too shy to participate, but more that they are processing the situation and their surroundings first.

Sensitivity is an innate characteristic. Aron estimates that one in five children qualify as highly sensitive. Here are some other characteristics of particularly sensitive children:

• easily startled; doesn’t enjoy surprises
• physically sensitive to things like scratchy fabrics or wet clothing
• very intuitive and observant; notices small details others miss
• difficultly sleeping after excitement
• easily notices pain and distress in others
• is a perfectionist
• asks many questions, often deep ones
• doesn’t like big change
• learns better from gentle feedback rather than punishment
• uses big words
• has a good sense of humor
• feels deeply

Your child may not fit all these parameters, but it gives you a general idea of the level of sensitivity present in your child. Sensitivity often leads to anxiety, and one way to help your child manage that is by your own behavior. Sensitive children can be very susceptible to feelings of failure, so it’s important to communicate that mistakes are not inherently bad and actually offer us feedback. Also, remember that being sensitive, prone to anxiety, or cautious is not necessarily a negative thing; it usually leads to children who get into less trouble, follow directions, and make more informed, thoughtful decisions.

Sensitive children may have a hard time returning to school with all the uncertainties that await a new year. Here are some tips to help ease your sensitive child’s anxiety.

Eliminate some of the unknowns

Take your child to the classroom in advance to get familiar with the surroundings. If possible, meet the teacher to ease any fears about what he or she will be like.

Be supportive all around

It may be too late for this year, but your child’s last year teacher can often recommend a teacher who would be a good fit for your child next year. Schools will often accommodate parent requests for particular teachers.

Help your child fit in

It’s important to allow sensitive children to maintain their individuality, but if being too different causes them stress, help them fit in with their peers. Find out from the teacher what skills they should have, what games or books other kids are interested in—things that will help them feel part of the group more naturally.

Educate your child and others

It can be beneficial to let your child’s teacher know that your child is particularly sensitive, and may need encouragement to get involved. This kind of hesitancy can be misinterpreted for not caring or wanting to try.

It’s also important to educate your child so he or she can have better self-understanding. If you see him holding back, it’s okay to say so, and to ask what might make him feel more comfortable. Just make sure you don’t give the impression that his temperament is bad or something that needs correcting.

Many sensitive people have gone on to become great leaders, writers, speakers and catalysts for positive change. In a world that can often feel cruel and cold, it’s important as parents to nurture these kinds of gentler and more caring personalities in our children.

sourceWeinstein, Anna.“Back to School for the Sensitive Child.”education.com
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Minimize Back to School Stress

Change is hard for everyone, and the change from the freedom and fun of summer to the structure and focus of school can be a tricky one for many students. It’s perfectly normal for children to have some anxiety about returning to school, but you can help minimize the stress your children feel.

Don’t worry if your child has a hard time sleeping the last weeks of summer, or once school begins. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, author of Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child’s True Potential, says this is completely normal given the changes of a new teacher, classmates and expectations. Some children will react more severely to returning to school. In these cases, there are some things you can do to help make the transition easy and smooth.

For starters, stay positive. This is especially true with younger children, but even teens can show more subtle signs of hesitation at going back to school. Your attitude can make all the difference, so although it can be hard when you child is crying and clinging to you, your best bet is to say something encouraging but firm like, “I’m not worried; I know you can do this. You’re going to have a great first day and when you’re done you can tell me all about it.” Showing your faith in your child’s ability to solve problems on her own helps her believe in her own strength and courage, and reminds her that no matter what, you will be waiting at the end of the day for her.

Routines are an easy way to establish expectations and find a smooth system for the day’s events. The start of school is by far the best time to set these kinds of standards. If your child struggles in the morning, try creating a checklist of things to do before leaving for school. This lets your child feel more in control of the morning routine, and also frees you up from having to watch over his or her shoulder to make sure everything gets done. For after school, try to set up a schedule for a light snack, playtime and homework so there’s no arguing about getting things done.

Making new traditions helps your child stay excited about school, and takes some of the focus away from the more stressful factors of returning to school. Your attitude can make all the difference, so find ways to make the transition fun and easygoing. This can be as simple as planning an outing with your child to celebrate the last days of summer, or can be more specific, like letting your child choose a special breakfast on the first day of school.

Finally, allow your child to ease into the transition at his or her own pace. While you may want to hear all about the first day, new friends and new teachers, they may be slower to process and understand how they are feeling. Allow them some space to open up on their own time, and use other cues to monitor how they are handling the transition. Again, giving them the space to understand their feelings shows them that you are supportive but confident in their ability to figure things out on their own—a good foundation for a healthy year.

source“Ease Back to School Stress.” schoolfamily.com.

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Positive Discipline

Parenting is an extremely rewarding job, but one that can be filled with frustrations and difficulties as we try to raise our children to be happy, healthy adults.

No matter how your child behaves, there will always be times when you have to discipline them. Certain forms of discipline work better for different children, and it’s up to you to find out what mode works best in your house.

One thing all child experts agree on is that positive discipline is much more effective and healthy for everyone involved. Psychologists like Deanna Pledge, Ph.D., say more “social” forms of encouragement—nods, smiles, hugs, high-fives, kisses—go a long way toward developing creativity, critical thinking skills and an appreciation for learning in children. More tangible forms of rewards—money, clothes or other items—can undermine a child’s ability to stay self-motivated in the future.

So how can you reinforce positive behaviors in a way that gets through to your child and still builds a healthy parent-child relationship? The following tips can help.

Use praise and encouragement

Encourage your children to participate and give their best. This helps develop a passion for learning, and a willingness to explore—both signs of confidence and self-esteem. Praise is an important part of this, as it is a form of positive feedback that children respond well to, and one that encourages them to repeat the action that garnered the praise. Eventually, your child will need less external motivation because she understands the inherent reward in trying something new or challenging.

Be specific

The more specific you are in your praise, the more impact is has. “Good job” can start to lose its meaning if you’ve said it too many times, but something like “I’m so proud that you got an A. I know you studied hard for that test,” really drives home the accomplishment.

Immediate feedback

If you’re praising, or correcting, behavior, be sure to do it immediately. The younger the child, the more important this is, both because of attention span, and also because it allows children to directly understand the repercussions or rewards of their behavior. Also, provide a positive alternative when trying to correct behavior rather than just pointing out what’s wrong. Instead of just saying, “don’t leave your dishes around!” try something like “it’s really helpful when you put your dishes in the sink.”

Separate the behavior from the person

Make sure your child knows that it’s not that you don’t like him as a person, it’s that you don’t like certain behaviors. This lets him know that you are on the same side, and that you’re trying to help him be a better person, rather than feeling like you are disappointed with who he is.

Choices with limits

Giving children choices, within reason, helps them feel in control. For example, your child may want chocolate for dinner. Instead of just saying no, you can offer a choice—“You can’t have chocolate for dinner because it’s not healthy. But would you rather have spaghetti or a sandwich?” Your child will focus less on the fact that you took away the thing she wanted and more on the fact that she has a choice in the matter.

Encourage communication

It’s easy to respond to a temper tantrum with a temper tantrum of your own. But the best reaction is to stay calm, and encourage your child to explain what he or she is feeling. Some children may respond to some kind of physical contact, like putting your arm around them, as it shows that you are supportive but firm in dealing with the situation. Listen to your child and try to offer ways to help turn the situation around. This teaches you important lessons as a parent about what kinds of things trigger your child and teaches your child to push through uncomfortable situations.

Use punishment sparingly

While many of us grew up in a generation of time-outs in the corner, this kind of discipline may not be very effective. Time-outs feel like punishments because you are taking children out of an environment or activity they love. But the reality is that this is probably a good outlet for your child, and removing it may just lead to more of the kind of behavior you’re trying to correct. Try to find other ways of sending the message that are less isolating.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your child to find a way of communication and feedback that works best for you. No matter what your child responds best to, using compassion, being a good listener and a positive role model will always be a healthy form of discipline.

source Brooks, Dina.“Disciplining Your Child: How to Do it Positively.” education.com.