Newsletter September 2011

September 14, 2011
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We strive to bring you the most helpful and up to date information every month, and this month's newsletter is no exception.
You can scroll down through the articles below, or you can click on a headline you like to go directly to that article.

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This Month's Headlines:

Getting Kids in Alignment
Sharing With Your Child’s Teacher
Finding Friendships: Helping Children Connect With Peers

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Finding Friendships: Helping Children Connect With Peers

Nothing is as heartbreaking for parents as having a child come home complaining that no one at school likes him or her. It’s common knowledge that kids can be cruel to each other at school, and while parents may be quick to chalk it up to the fickleness of young friendships, remember that these connections feel crucial to your child in the moment.

Unfortunately, you can’t make friends for your child, and the older your child gets, the less his or her circle of friends is determined by your relationships with other parents. One thing you can do though, is to provide your child with the tools to be socially comfortable, and to learn how to be a good friend to others.

We all are born with an innate desire to be in relationship with others. The difference comes in how we respond to that inherent desire, and most children start developing friendships by the age of four or five. Denise

Salin, a licensed therapist, urges parents not to push if your child isn’t ready to make friends yet. “Some children, especially younger elementary school age ones, need help developing social skills such as empathy, problem-solving, negotiating, cooperation and communication skills. If an elementary aged child does not seem to want to make friends, it’s important to try and get an understanding of what may be going on.”

Still, there are things you can do to support your child’s friendship-making efforts. Here are some suggestions:

Up the Odds

It’s easier to make friends when you have a variety of opportunities, so try to have your child be involved in different events and activities. Play dates or group activities like sports, dancing or theater provide the chance to connect with similar-minded peers. Salin also stresses the importance of unstructured time play, as it allows children to learn valuable skills in socializing, sharing and relating to others.

Be Supportive

As simple as it sounds, this is extremely important. Really listen to your child when he or she tells stories about the playground, or what happened at the after school dance. The conversations may give you clues to how he or she is faring socially. When your child does bring new friends around, be open and welcoming, and make an effort to get to know both the child and his or her parents.

Find Balance

It’s okay, and completely natural, to empathize with your child. But don’t take it too far—friendships will have their ups and downs throughout life and it’s unreasonable to expect that there will never be tough times.

Just stay supportive of your child, listen to his or her feelings and encourage him or her to stay positive. If you need to talk with someone about it, turn to another adult, rather than letting your child see you upset too.

Golden Rule

There’s a reason the golden rule has been around as long as it has—it’s a timeless, valuable lesson. In order to make true, lasting friendships, we have to learn to be a good friend ourselves. The best way to do this is to be a model for your child. Demonstrate the kind of behaviors you’d like to see in your child when he or she is interacting with friends. There are many ways you can do this, from being open about your own strengths and shortcomings, being kind and giving to friends, showing empathy for others, and learning to not complain about things outside of your control. All of these are great examples to set for how to relate to and interact with others.

Friendships are a vital part of adolescence and the experience of growing up. Studies show even extremely successful people feel unfulfilled without close friendships with others. We are social creatures, and helping your kids learn how to relate to others at a young age opens the door for deep and lasting friendships throughout their lives.

SourceCope, Lisa M. “Nobody Likes Me: Helping Children Make Friends.”education.com.